- Rest of World
|SoccerAnchor Special: Why Always Me FC - April 2012 edition|
Every footballer wakes up in the morning with the best intentions. They hope to score the winner, keep a clean sheet or put a smile on a sick child’s face. Unfortunately things don’t always work out that way. If you too are prone to a brain fade, rest assured, there is now a place where you will be among friends.
Welcome to ‘Why Always Me FC’. A place where everyone knows your name. This weird and wonderful world keeps us guessing and it seems the football world is guessing more than most.
King Eric didn’t wake up one morning and think ‘today I’m going to fly-kick a Palace fan’. I’m certain Mario didn’t mean to burn his house down. Clearly Becks had no intentions of sleeping with the nanny, and obviously Joey Barton just needed somewhere to butt his cigar.
Completing 100 passes, slugging it out at right-back for 90 minutes, or transforming yourself into a human bus will not earn you a place in the starting XI. Each installment will feature the players who are making headlines for reasons other than brilliance on the pitch.
Some sort of connection to the football world is all it takes to earn a place in ‘Why Always Me FC”. No magnet is safe.
The April version of ‘Why Always Me FC’ will take to the field with a 4-4-2 formation:
Liam Reddy (Sydney FC) - GK
Sydney FC had no other choice but to sack Liam Reddy after he got drunk on the plane en route to NZ before the semi final clash against Wellington. Apparently David Boon’s record was never under threat, although he consumed enough booze to leave him vomiting on the plane and then on the team bus. Brilliant Liam.
Nathan Tinkler (Newcastle Jets) - RB
Tinkler’s decision to withdraw his A-league license has left the Newcastle Jets in limbo and has created a nightmare for the A-league, having already lost the Gold Coast and gained the task of fast-tracking the West Sydney franchise. The actions of Tinkler and Clive Palmer highlights the frequency with which private ownership doesn’t work in Australian sport and the need to establish an independent commission to avoid these owner vs. FFA disputes. ‘Why Always Me FC’ (WAMFC) Selectors wrestled with the decision of which mining magnate would fill the roll of ‘human bus’ at full back, the only objective way to decide was girth, ‘Nath – fill your boots son’.
John Terry (c) (Chelsea) - CB
What on earth was the Chelsea skipper thinking when he kneed Alexis Sanchez behind the play in the second leg of the Champions league semi final? Terry was shown the red ticket and left Chelsea with a man down and staring down the barrel of a 2-goal deficit. Terry felt compelled to apologise for his actions, yet this sort of selfish, ill-disciplined and self-indulgent behavior is lauded within the ‘WAMFC’ ranks. Given his infidel past, Terry is a strong chance to hold down a regular spot. N.B. WAMFC has a no pre-game handshake policy.
Chris Samba (Anzhi) - CB
The ex-Rovers skipper has been charged with speeding having been caught driving at 130mp/h on the way home following a loss to Spurs. His BMW was reportedly going so fast the police couldn’t keep up. Lets hope he brings that energy to the pitch.
Andrea Masiello (Bari) - LB
The former Bari defender has been arrested for match fixing after accepting €180,000 to fix a match against Lecce last year in the Serie-B. Masiello wasn’t messing around; he scored an own goal in the game to secure the cash.
Lyall Gorman (A-League) - RM
Someone has to take responsibility for awarding the Joe Marston medal to Thomas Broich instead of Jacob Burns. Marstongate sums up where the A-league is at the moment. Success is about getting the little things right, it pains me to write that this would never happen in the AFL (the Michael Tuck medal gaff….by Michael Tuck). Gorman should slot seamlessly into a midfield role given he spends most of his time defending the state of the A-league.
Jamie Hand (Hayes and Yeading) - CM
Fined by the FA this month for bringing the game intro disrepute after making sexually explicit and abusive remarks to Luton Town fans on twitter. The Hayes and Yeading United player was ordered to pay 250 quid.
Lee Cattermole (Sunderland) - CM
Sunderland’s Cattermole has this month been ordered to pay damages after going on a car wrecking spree in Newcastle last year. Enough said.
Ashley Young (Manchester United) - LM
Same old Ashley Young, always diving. Young has been widely criticized for taking majestic dives in successive weeks to win penalties against QPR and Aston Villa. While his actions have prompted Alex Ferguson to ‘have a word’ with his striker, the brains trust at WAMFC welcome this form of the dark arts and encourage all strikers take the field wearing a snorkel.
El Hadji Diouf (Doncaster Rovers) - RF
The now Doncaster Rovers front man was arrested after getting into a nightclub brawl alongside Anton Ferdinand that left a 33-year-old man with head and neck injuries. Ferdinand is unlucky to miss selection this month, yet with Terry wearing the captain’s armband his inclusion is clearly impractical. WAMFC prides itself on uniting trouble souls not dividing them.
Francisco Sandaza (St. Johnstone) - LF
The St. Johnstone (Scotland) striker made a late bid for a role up front in WAMFC when on Saturday night police investigating a nightclub incident noticed him driving down the wrong side of the road in his Saab while twice above the legal blood alcohol limit.
How do you rate the inaugural Why Always Me FC line-up? Was John Terry deserved choice for captain? Who else would you have included in the squad? Let us know what you think by leaving a comment below...